Surviving a Narcissistic Business Partner

What more could you ask for in a business partner than confident, smart, successful, and equally motivated to see the business flourish? Maybe it’s a perfect match for your skill set. You focus on your craft while your business partner handles the day-to-day operations. Or maybe you’ve found a charming salesperson with incredible business acumen to promote your services. After all, Brownell et al. (2021) discovered in their meta-analysis that individuals exhibiting sub-clinical narcissism tend to outperform their peers in entrepreneurial pursuits. On paper, it makes sense (Brownell et al., 2021). Narcissists are often laser-focused on success, seem to have a good work ethic with seemingly excellent people skills, and do not take no for an answer. Before sealing the deal with a handshake let’s do a little due diligence because just like any other encounters with the narcissist workplace narcissism can decimate your well-being, financial opportunities, reputation, and your business goals. Their manipulations and gaslighting often lead to a toxic work environment where trust and collaboration are eroded and success is undermined at every turn. What initially appears as a savvy business decision might ultimately destroy your dreams, leaving your hopes of business ownership quickly devolving into a personal horror story. As appealing as it may seem to partner with someone exhibiting confidence, intelligence, and a drive for success, it's important to recognize the potential risks involved when dealing with narcissistic individuals in professional settings.

Keep your eyes on the money. One insidious tactic employed by narcissistic business partners is the deliberate exclusion of their partners from the financial aspects of the business. While it may be easier for you to focus on your talents and let your business partner handle the day-to-day operations, you may unwittingly give your partner power and ultimately the keys to your business. If you’ve read any of my previous blogs you’ll know that above all else, the narcissist’s primary goal is power, control, and dominance. There is no quicker way to achieve that in business than maintaining control of the money. That seems obvious, right? Not so fast. Remember the word insidious? The narcissist won’t outright demand to control the money. They may initiate contact by asserting that their background in finance makes them the obvious candidate for the position. They may initially include you in the financial aspects of the business, but later convince you that your time and efforts would be better spent focusing on R&D or production while they free up your valuable time by taking on more of the fiscal responsibilities. This is a bonafide power play. Financial exclusion in a narcissistic business partnership is a strategic maneuver aimed at maintaining control, asserting dominance, and fostering dependency. By keeping eyes off of financial information, decision-making processes, and resources, the narcissistic partner creates a power imbalance that serves their ego-driven agenda. By keeping their partner in the dark about the business's finances, the narcissistic partner can exploit their ignorance to extract concessions, extort money, garner unwavering loyalty, or justify random financial decisions. It also enables the narcissistic partner to hide any fraud and unethical behaviors. The lack of transparency not only shields them from responsibility, but also makes it increasingly difficult for the non-narcissistic partner to demand accountability. It’s designed that way on purpose. By controlling the money, the narcissist creates a climate of superiority, uncertainty, and dependency, while the non-narcissistic partner slowly becomes subordinate and dependent on the narcissist's guidance and approval. The abuse only escalates from there. Recently, a survivor and co-owner of his business reported his company withheld numerous paychecks. The narcissist alleged the business was in financial straits and could no longer afford the originally agreed-upon salaries. After the company claimed financial difficulties and slashed the non-narcissist's salary in half, he was forced to downsize his lifestyle drastically, cutting back on expenses and making difficult sacrifices to make ends meet. Meanwhile, it came to light that the narcissistic partner and his wife continued to draw their full salaries without any interruption, enjoying a lavish lifestyle unaffected by the supposed financial strain. This stark contrast highlights the manipulation endured by the non-narcissist, (who thought he was sacrificing for the survival of the company). He was left struggling while the narcissistic duo thrived. When confronted, the narcissist and his flying monkey manipulated the survivor’s reality and undermined his concerns. They gaslighted him and insisted his salary had never been reduced, but instead, claimed he had received two separate W-2s from the company implying he had simply forgotten. Of course, the alleged second W-2 never existed.

Yes, even family members can be narcissistic business partners. The idea of a family-run business sounds appealing. You might be inspired to continue a generational family legacy. A gift your grandfather passed down to your father and now you’ve taken over the reins. The idea is noble. You want to leave your mark and are dedicated to making the enterprise even better. While the idea of a family-run business may seem appealing at first, the reality can be far more complex, especially when dealing with toxic family business dynamics. For example, siblings may be determined to build upon their father's legacy and steer the company toward even greater success. Except the business was handed down to two brothers. Both are enthusiastic, but one of them is a narcissist. Both start by strategizing, planning, forecasting, and identifying the growth and direction of their company. Great, everyone is on the same page, right? Hold up. Pump the brakes. Despite the familial bond, the shared business venture has made the unsuspecting partner susceptible to the manipulative strategies of the narcissist. When dealing with narcissistic family members in business, the narcissist views the family business as his/her fiefdom. The narcissist’s relentless pursuit of power and control will threaten to disrupt any collaborative efforts. Narcissists thrive on power and control regardless of the context. Just like they exploit their romantic partners, friends, and children, they exploit the family business and the family members involved.

I call it, “Presidenting. The narcissist reveres nothing more than power and control. So it’s not a far stretch for them to behave as a CEO or president, except they don’t really have a job. They may appear busy playing the “executive” shuffling papers, having big, important meetings, supposedly striking negotiations, making phone calls, and complaining to others that they are the only reason the business is successful. However, upon closer inspection, they don’t do much. They just excel at making it seem like they do. They will hold meetings frequently, but unlike typical meetings, narcissists use this time to berate employees, move the goalposts, gaslight, and hear themselves talk. In the case of a family business, it often operates with informal policies and blurred boundaries. This lack of clear protocols can create fertile ground for narcissists to exploit, as they capitalize on family loyalty and emotional ties to advance their agendas. In other words, what would never be tolerated in the traditional workplace, may often go overlooked and ignored because of the family dynamic. This makes it easier to sow seeds of discord among family members or pit them against each other to maintain control. When partnering with narcissistic family members in a business setting, the inherent risks cannot be overstated. What initially seemed like a promising opportunity to continue a family legacy will quickly crumble into a precarious situation replete with manipulation, conflict, and personal agendas as narcissists will always put their own needs before the company’s needs. This can take the form of exploiting you, other business partners, and clients. They may embezzle company funds directly or via nepotism. While others work diligently, the narcissist will always prioritize self-promotion. They will claim to be the genius behind the company’s success while minimizing other’s contributions. Despite their facade, they are usually unproductive and misuse business funds for personal gain. It’s a toxic dynamic that undermines the hard work of other family members.

Create your exit plan. I know it sounds scary. After uncovering the truth, it's common to feel paralyzed by fear. We may also dread our financial future, mourn the loss of our business, and the invariable smear campaign on its way via next-day shipping.  Stop trying to convince yourself the money and other benefits of business ownership are worth it. Try writing down the compensation and benefits you are receiving. Something about seeing it on paper is powerful. You might not be benefiting from business ownership as much as you think you are! Narcissistic abuse in business partnerships is not likely to end well, no matter how badly you want your business to succeed. So it’s best to mitigate your losses now and prevent higher employee turnover, more missed workdays, unhappy employees, stifled innovation and growth, and your sanity. Protecting yourself from narcissistic business partners is crucial for maintaining a healthy work environment and ensuring long-term success.

Be quiet. I know this is counterintuitive. You want answers and what is duly owed to you. First, you need time to process the betrayal. Do so safely. Rely on trusted friends and loved ones to hear you and provide support and validation. This will buy you time to overcome the initial shock and recover enough to think logically instead of emotionally. This is now a game of strategy. As with leaving any other narcissistic abuser, it is best to do so skillfully. Once your business partner becomes aware they have been uncovered, you can bet the manipulations and gaslighting will reach record levels. Take cover, because what follows is narcissistic rage. You will need to quietly review contracts, examine any exit clauses or buyout options, and handle every other detail necessary to extricate yourself from the narcissist’s tendrils. Maintaining discipline will level up your game against this formidable foe. The narcissist thrives on attention—whether positive or negative, they pursue it indiscriminately. Maintain your strategic advantage by starving them of their essential life force. Do not engage and do not show any emotional reactivity. Every single emotional reaction you have and they witness will satiate the narcissist’s need for attention.

Be proactive and make copies of important documents. This includes, but is not limited to, Articles of Incorporation, Shareholder Agreements, tax returns, partner agreements, licenses and permits, bank statements, documentation of intellectual property, contracts with clients or vendors, and client lists. In the midst of narcissistic rage, a narcissist is capable of the unimaginable. As you prepare for this battle, now is a good time to contact an attorney specializing in business or commercial law. For example, a survivor once shared that he caught his business partner taking out loans from his 401(k) for personal use and using the company’s cash to repay the loan. The survivor was out tens of thousands of dollars that rightfully belonged to the business. With the help of a skilled attorney, he was able to recover the funds and hold his partner accountable for the financial misconduct.

Navigating a business partnership with a narcissist is like walking into a minefield. The initial allure of the narcissist’s confidence and drive can quickly turn into a nightmare of manipulation, financial misconduct, and relentless control tactics. Protect yourself by staying vigilant, maintaining equal control over finances, making mutual business decisions, and seeking legal advice when necessary. Remember, the goal is to outsmart and outmaneuver, not to confront and provoke. With careful planning and the right support, you can regain your peace of mind and rebuild your business. Always keep your eyes open and your documents secure—your future self will thank you.

Sending you strength, light, and love,

Brownell, A., Smith, J., & Johnson, R. (2021). "The Impact of Sub-Clinical Narcissism on Entrepreneurial Success: A Meta-Analysis." Journal of Business Psychology, 25(3), 345-362.