The Dangerous Cocktail of Narcissistic Abuse and Alcohol
Today, we're delving into the tangled web of manipulation, shedding light on the dark corners where narcissistic abusers collide with alcohol abuse. Now, hold up. This blog is not just about the abuse of alcohol by the perpetrator. It's also about how they will purposely encourage YOUR use of alcohol. Think about it. You are far easier to control while you’re under the influence, and this, of course, is what they want.
Before we dive into the connection between narcissists, their targets, and alcohol, let’s do a quick review to grasp the basics of narcissistic abuse. Narcissistic abusers exploit others for their gain, leaving victims emotionally shattered. They use several tactics to dominate and manipulate, leaving victims feeling powerless, disoriented, full of self-doubt, and isolated. Their end goal is power, dominance, and control over their targets. These are the superfoods of the narcissistic abuser.
As if narcissistic abuse weren’t enough, adding alcohol to the mix is akin to handing a sledgehammer to someone dismantling a house of cards. When the abuser uses/abuses alcohol, it escalates the pandemonium of abuse and leaves even more destruction in its wake. Narcissistic abusers often abuse alcohol to lower inhibitions and intensify their control. It almost sounds counterintuitive, right? Well, alcohol fuels the abuser’s grandiosity, making them even more dangerous. This results in abusers using alcohol as plausible deniability for trampling on victims' boundaries and amplifying manipulation. Gaslighting, their go-to manipulation tactic, is exacerbated when alcohol is involved. Abusers use it to make victims doubt their perceptions and sanity, fostering dependency on the abuser. They also use it to cope with any perceived damage to their very fragile ego. They must silence the voices that creep up to remind them that they are not special, not accomplished, and not deserving of any adulation. In essence, they need to suppress their feelings of inadequacy and protect that very carefully crafted facade. While under the influence of alcohol, it is far easier to blame-shift, gaslight, and avoid taking responsibility for their actions and quickly restore the facade of themselves they have meticulously created.
As a survivor, I understand the temptation to avoid the pain of your circumstances. It’s easy to pour yourself a glass of wine to soften the pain of your reality. The first glass feels great. The second glass feels even better. By the third glass, you start thinking that the fourth glass isn’t such a bad idea... and heck, while we’re at it, let’s go ahead and finish the bottle. There’s no sense in not finishing the job, right? Here’s where it gets tricky for you. Abusers use alcohol to blur boundaries and amplify their manipulation. Your alcohol use is like fertilizer for their abusive tactics. You become more vulnerable to their tactics, leading to more manipulation, gaslighting, blame-shifting, isolation tactics, and lowered self-esteem. This is precisely where they want you, except you are inadvertently helping them with their dirty work. The target turns to alcohol for some solace; it provides momentary relief, and all of a sudden you become an easier target reinforcing the cycle of abuse. Given that the narcissistic abuser is always pushing boundaries, the breadth of the abuse may also expand. In the realm of narcissistic abuse, the manipulation extends beyond emotional turmoil. For example, the perpetrator might feel emboldened enough to expand their abuse to include sexual misconduct, if they haven't already. This could involve recording intimate moments without your knowledge, coercing you into degrading acts, or even maliciously orchestrating an unwanted pregnancy. Down the line, they may escalate their tactics, accusing you of an alcohol "problem" and manufacturing deceptive "evidence" to gaslight friends, family, and even family court judges into believing you are the one with the issue. It's sinister and underscores the importance of learning to recognize the various methods of this insidious abuse.
Understanding the tactics used by narcissistic abusers and the dynamics of alcohol is vital for victims/survivors. Educate yourself, connect with professionals specializing in narcissistic abuse, or support groups to regain control over your life. In the meantime, here are some tips to minimize the damage of the abuser and alcohol:
- If it is safe to do so, work towards setting boundaries and enforcing them.
- Stop consuming alcohol around the abuser.
- Find a different source of relief. This could include exercising, joining an extracurricular group, or starting a new hobby.
- Seek support from trustworthy and supportive friends, professionals specializing in narcissistic abuse, or narcissistic abuse support groups.
- Learn what works for you in promoting self-worth. This could be small and consistent accomplishments, meeting goals, engaging in new challenges, taking time to learn what you like and/or are good at, or rewarding yourself for even minor accomplishments.
Understanding the sinister connection between narcissistic abuse and alcohol manipulation is pivotal to freeing yourself from this cycle. By recognizing the signs, educating ourselves, and seeking support, we can help ourselves and others escape the clutches of manipulation and return to ourselves and our lives. Remember, you are not alone in this journey. Wilysurvivor.com is here for you, offering guidance, empathy, and your safe haven in the storm of narcissistic abuse. Together, we can heal, thrive, and emerge stronger on the other side.
Sending you strength, light, and love,
Esther